May or may not be the last Breaking Dawn post

[themadpoker]

The werewolf as a heater concept is kind of epically ridiculous when you think about it. I mean, whatever happened to a hot water bottle? Or even - and this is a radical thought here guys - an actual heater? I don't know why Meyer tries to make more unnecessary drama when the book's already full of it. :/

Does anyone suspect Meyer might have a few tiny issues with true love? Because that addiction metaphor keeps popping up and I'm sort of tempted to hunt through the books and write an essay on how the Twilight books are secretly an argument against the dangers of so-called 'true love' and what it can do to rational judgement.

Wow Bella is that ever a stupid plan. It also reminds me a little of the Cardcaptors deal where everyone knew Touya knew something was up with Sakura but no one was sure if he was on to the right thing.

Why did Meyer ruin Rosalie's characterization so badly? She was pretty awesome in Eclipse and now she's like Gollum for babies.

Leah declared her love wants a two person pack with Jacob! Really, Meyer, have you been hanging around twilightawry? Because it's starting to feel like you're pretty tired of only writing the canon pairings as well.

Awww. I think maybe I could be persuaded to ship Jacob/Leah.

Why does every single Twilight girl think having babies is the best thing ever? Is it a Mormon thing? (Sorry if that was offensive, I mean it as an actual question. I don't really know too much about Mormonism)

Preganancy is really terrifying in the Twilight verse. I mean normal pregnancy sounds bad enough, Bella's bone breaking version really is the type horror movies are made of.

Holy crow?! Bella, your epithets, they make me laugh. I may have to adopt that one.

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"

Yes. Think of the future bullies Bella!

So when someone writes that Renesmee as a boy AU which really needs to exist will they call him Edwob? I hope so.

17. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE? THE WIZARD OF OZ? YOU NEED A BRAIN? YOU NEED A HEART? GO AHEAD. TAKE MINE. TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE.

Aaaand there's the chapter title so emo it verges on parody status. Was waiting on that one.

At first, I drove more sanely on the way back. I wasn't in a rush. I didn't want to go where I was going. Back to that house, back to that forest. Back to the pain I'd run from. Back to being absolutely alone with it.

Okay, that was melodramatic.

Well, really everything after the first razor blade metaphor was melodramatic. But better late than never right?

Oh, thought! Can someone write the AU where Jacob doesn't imprint on Evilbaby? Because I actually would really like to read the 'verse where Jacob and Leah go off and attempt to get over their respective heartbreaks together. And, besides, I agree that he'd need someone to kick his butt now and then. I think Leah is totally the girl for the job. :)

Oh man. Leah went to bitch out Bella over her behaviour? Sorry, Seth, your sister is my new favourite.

...I can't get over how awesome she is! I am going to hunt down Leah fic as soon as I am done with this book. I will maybe write Leah fic. Likely of that very scene.

Seth leaned against me, shoving back, and then he galloped into the trees.

"He has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds I've ever heard," Edward murmured when he was out of sight. "You're lucky to have his thoughts to share."

Your inner slash fangirl is showing Meyer.

I wanted to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth.

I don't. I kind of want to throw her a party.

It was not just a scream, it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body twitched, arched in Rosalie's arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.

HORROR MOVIE.

Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was —my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space.

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing —to the very center of the universe.

Is it just me or does imprinting read as the creepiest thing ever? I mean sure the way it took away freedom of choice bugged me a little before but this honestly reads as subtle horror (as opposed to the blood and bone breaking monsterbaby horror of before). I mean she just said he lost everything that makes up who he is in favour of being devoted to the baby! How is this romance? It's scary.

...Did Meyer just write a baby born with fully developed teeth? I give up then. I am going to stop trying to force logic on to this book. Logic has no place within Meyer's writing. I need to just go with the flow here.

I thought Edward didn't breathe? Wait, shut up, there's that logic again.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. I flipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the room into an incomprehensible blur —but it did not. I saw every dust mote, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, every loose thread in microscopic detail as my eyes whirled past them.

Bella Swann, Vampire Ninja!

"Renesmee is healthy and well," he promised, a gleam I'd never seen before in his eyes. He said her name with an understated fervor. A reverence. The way devout people talked about their gods.

I have a theory. Renesmee's vampire power is that everyone who sees her falls in love with her. And that is not actually what I mean but falls in obsession with her really doesn't roll off the tongue well. This explains the creepy godlike status the characters appear to have awarded her with.

Alright then, gotta go. Guess you're all going to hear another BD post later.

Comments

[sayaka-sama.livejournal.com]

And people wonder why I don't read Twilight. I can smell the butthurt from a mile away.

[themadpoker.livejournal.com]

But it's worth it for the laughs. =D And also sparkly vampires. I went around for days after reading Twilight advising people to read it because it had sparkly vampires.

[x-hikari.livejournal.com]

ahaafhs ahwr02hq3 r oh meyer...just wtf is going on in your head |D


<3 <3 <3

[themadpoker.livejournal.com]

No one really knows. We just stare at the carnage and start mocking. xD