themadpoker | He's a cyborg. She's a human. Together they fight crime!

So there's this book I have to read for my Fantasy course called He, She, and It by Margaret Piercy. And I finished the first 30 pages and then put it off forever because oh my Lord, so SO boring. And now it's due tomorrow.

I've managed to make it halfway through and oh my gosh, why didn't anyone TELL ME this was sexbot fic? I would have read it so much faster if I'd known! See the beginning was all about this lady Shira and how she got divorced from her husband and the corporation awarded custody of her child to her husband and BLAH BLAH BLAH BORING STUFF.

But then! Then she moves back to her hometown to stay with her grandma. And her grandma is like a genius programmer or whatever and together with this other guy she's created a fully functioning cyborg. And they ask Shira to help teach him human interactions and she says okay and at first she is all 'you are a MACHINE, I will not even refer to you with proper pronouns!' Only eventually she realises that he's practically human in all the ways that count. And then her ex-boyfriend/childhood love who RUINED her for all other men comes back to town and she's like 'omg do not want, every time I see him I am afraid I will go back! DDD=' And the cyborg (his name is Yod) is like I can kill him for you? and of course she's all 'no do not do that!' And then her grandma is like 'well you know what would be an awesome way to show off how much you've moved on and stuff? Take Yod with you! He can be your fake boyfriend!' And Shira's like ://// but she does because Yod is pretty smoking! Ex-bf deserves some heartache!

And then when they meet Yod gets all jealous and when they're walking home he is like 'you know according to my last lady I am pretty excellent at sex! Way better than Godi I bet! How about it?' and she's like 'OMGWTFBBQ you are a CYBORG. Since when are you interested in those things?' And then she spends like a week pretending it didn't happen but secretly being like 'when did he have sex? He can have sex? What is this crazyness?' And eventually they DO have sex and I was like '=DDDDDD It's a cyborg/human romance soap opera! Again, why did no one TELL me this ahead of time?'

And then! Then you find out it was her GRANDMA who took him out for his first spin! And she catches Yod leaving the house and is like ohoho you two have gotten together now have you? And Yod is like 'Yup! It was awesome! Would you like to have sex now too? I am noticing you seem to be a bit interested!' But then the grandma explains that Shira is not quite as liberal as she is and would probably not be cool with that. And at this point I'm basically like 'lollerskates, best soap opera ever. She really should have just cut those first 30 pages and skipped straight to the good stuff'

And her mom comes home because she's like this elite hacker/information pirate and they need her (there's been plot going on alongside with all of this but uhh I don't really care yo. I am in it for the human/cyborg sex scandals!) And Shira is like btw mom who's my dad? And her mom is like 'oh -some famous dude in the bookverse-' And then her grandma's like 'that dude was dead for thirty years before Shira was born!' And her mom is like 'well yeah, duh, that is what sperm samples and artificial insemination are for. I am not actually much one for the dudes. On that note, this bodyguard assassin lady I have brought along is my girlfriend! =DDD'

So yeah. =DDDD BEST DYSTOPIAN SEXBOT SOAP OPERA EVER. I am going to try hard to finish it tonight so I can lol about it in class tomorrow.

He's a cyborg. She's a human. Together they fight crime!

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